Grandma on Board

 Grandma on Board

by

B.D. Adams

© 2013

A quick note, the children are from different Mothers. Kind of makes me think of the Fogelberg-Weisberg album, “Twin Sons of Different Mothers.” Good music.

In the last few years, I have become a Grandmother. A Grand-mère (French), a Großmutter (German - it’s Grossmuter, as written in English), an Abuela (Spanish)! To Jacob, my son, Liza and my grandchildren, I am just plain, ol’ Grandma!! This so pleases me!

Amy, my granddaughter (who lives with her mother), came first. She turns 3-years-old this May and is a determined little girl! Since she is part of my blood line, she is “Sugar and Spice” with a dash or two of “Snips and Snails.” I can see that already. And, without a doubt she has an endearing smile! As she grows up, I hope to help in her guidance, her life choices to mold her, to encourage the individual part of her female id. That is how I hope to be part of her life, like my paternal grandmother was for me.

Isaiah, my grandson who lives with Jacob and Liza (his mother) was born in October (2012) and is growing strong with the same infectious grins like his father has. He appears to have the same look of determination as his sister has. He is definitely full of “Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails!” Jacob believes that I see only what I want, but this new “whipper-snapper” is already so aware of his world and knows how to push his parent’s buttons. I believe Jacob will have to agree with my intuitions.

I mean ... what son’s mother is ever wrong?

As in a modern family, Liza's daughter, Esly, by a different relationship, is a very sweet young girl. I am not her grandma by blood, but I am so happy that she refers to me that way. I love her as one of my own!

It has taken Amy a little longer to warm up to me. When I visited California, just before Isaiah’s birth, she kept a respectful distance, but without being a brat. We played “peek-a-boo” and she warmed up, a bit. Because she had to go back to her mother’s home, I wasn’t really able to “bond” with my granddaughter.

As it went, Liza took a photo of Jacob and me with my camera. For Christmas, I had worked up the photo and sent it in a frame as a Christmas gift to Jacob and Liza. Jacob told me that Amy finally got the message that I was Grandma, part of her world.

Now, when she’s at her father's home and they go on the Yahoo Video for us to “visit,” Amy talks with me. She is shy, but she seems to want more contact with her East Coast Grandma. She also knows that Daniel is her Grandpa. She always comments on his beard in a curious, positive way.

Isaiah sees me and Daniel on the Video, as well. He’s only five months old, but he is so aware of his life! When he sees Grandma, he begins to coo and make other

noises as I talk to him, say his name. And, he smiles so big, which makes me melt

every time! To look at the computer monitor, his little neck is so strong for several minutes. He sits on his dad’s lap to look at and react to the images.

Now, this is going to sound really silly, but there is this thing I do that Isaiah just loves. If the reader has never watched the TV program “Bones,” this won’t make much sense, but we play a game that other folks might try with their very young grandkids. It’s called “Dancing Phalanges!” I wiggle my fingers, so the camera can see, and kind of sing, “Dancing phalanges, dancing phalanges!” Isaiah, of course, does not know what I’m saying, but it doesn’t matter. He laughs right out loud as I wiggle my grandma digits! I could say dancing fingers, but the other way is more musical, in my humble opinion.

Honestly, I had no idea how I would react to Grandma-hood. Was NEVER against the idea, it kind of fell into the area of “The Unknown.” With my pregnancy, and then as Jacob grew-up, there was a lot of panic! But now, with Isaiah, I figured that being a Grandma is the best. All I do is play and not worry (or smell) what’s going on in Isaiah’s diaper. Don’t get me wrong ... I am not happy that there is such a distance between all of us. If we were closer, I would do what I could for Jacob and Liza!                     

They are all planning to come East, some time. When all three children come to visit, I hope to teach them (mostly with Esly) a bit about gardening and how to make things grow from the earth! And, who knows. They might really like it away from the hoop-lah of Los Angeles and move to live near us.

Hmmmm ... I like that idea! That will take some pondering!

Amy 21/2 years                                                                    Isaiah 5 months

My Son: The Adventurer

By

B.D. Adams

© 2009

Wouldn’t it happen, I was smacked with a stroke which affected my right side. I am not able to use my right hand to write or to swing a tennis racket, and I walk with a cane because my right leg and foot are affected, as well. I can walk, but forget doing a marathon or dashing after those tennis balls!  This was the summer of 1998 in Columbus, Ohio.


Jacob, my dark haired, dark eyed, sweet smiling son was summoned by my boss (when I was able to work), that his mother was in the hospital with a stroke.  He stayed in Columbus while I was at the hospital, to give me the courage and the love someone afflicted with this malady needed to survive to the expansions that I have made.


He was born in Columbus (where I had lived for several years), but ... when he was twenty-two years old ... he decided to live in New York (Long Island) because he was ready for a young man’s adventure. I was so proud of him! Actually, he didn’t wander to far from family ... his father (my former husband) lives in Queens. In any event, it was his first relocation, on his own. This was his decision!


However, with my boss’s summons, Jacob schlepped back to Ohio to be with me.  He only stayed until I was back to my home in Columbus, and then I shooed him back to his home on Long Island!


After I did much struggling with the stroke (for about four years), I decided I needed a huge change in my living situation! I had to leave Columbus, to distant myself from all my well-meaning friends and colleagues. So, I moved (drove my car) ... all by myself ... to New Hampshire. Why there? I had a friend, who lived there, and after one visit, I knew it was the place for me! So, I made my life’s change in 2002.


One main reason that I wanted to move to New Hampshire, was to be closer to Jacob!  I had visited him on Long Island, a couple of times after the stroke, so I was familiar with the area. Because I knew that I could never keep up with the pace that New York demanded, I knew I could never live there ... and, Jacob might have felt that I moved there to ... hover. For these reasons, I chose New England ... close but not too close.


I managed to visit him from my new location, just once, in the spring of 2002. With that visit, I knew that this was the right distance. This was a good move ... for both of us.


My new living situation had turned out to be as I hoped!  However, I really wanted more visitations with my son.  As I was able to make "subtle" suggestions ... after a few phone calls, and some delicate, verbal nudgings (from me) ... Jacob planned a trip to New Hampshire for a visit. I was elated!!! The date was set for a weekend in August.


Even though we had spoken, and he sounded so happy to make this trip, there seemed to be something ... unsaid. It gave me a little curious pang in my chest when the plans for this trip were finalized. It almost seemed too easy. Jacob was not a difficult person, but there seemed to be more of a reason for this trek ... rather than just to visit. I just couldn’t put my finger on it, so I chalked it up to my still befuddled brain.


Jacob had no car because all his travels, at home, were via friends (who had cars), the LIRR (Long Island Rail Road) and whatever subway he needed to take in or around the City. He opted for a bus to Portsmouth, NH, instead of a train. Portsmouth is a quaint, small metropolis on the Piscataqua River and the Great Bay (not in reference to Massachusetts), which is connected to the Atlantic. I lived near Dover ... about thirty miles inland.


The day Jacob traveled was nice, so I waited outside on the sidewalk for the bus to arrive.  You'd almost think you were in Greenwich Village in NYC with all the hustle and bustle! The anticipation was so palpable!! I couldn’t wait to see my adorable son’s face and his infectious smile!


The bus finally arrived and the wait for him to disembark was excruciating!! Finally ... I saw him! What a fabulous sight!


As we plodded to my parked car, we talked about so many subjects. One subject he wanted to share was that he had begun to learn how to bartend (along with his other job). His father (also a part-time bartender) had encouraged him to do this. I was glad for this suggestion, by his father, because I thought it would be good for him to learn, as well. What person couldn’t use extra money!


I drove us to my friend’s home, in short order, but Jacob was astounded at the distant we had to travel. I explained that this was NOT New York City, or Columbus. This area was built with ... patience!


Jacob understood.


We pulled into the driveway and I parked in my spot. No one else was at home (my friend was at work), so Jacob and I entered without him getting horn-swaggled by new people. I had bought a few bottles of Grolsch Bier. European beer ... what a treat! Nothing was too good for my son! It was a nice, warm afternoon, so we sat in the chairs on the front porch and enjoyed the pleasant weather and our drinks!


After a moment, or two ... he became quiet ... too quiet ... so, I asked, “Uh ... something on your mind?”
Jacob took another moment to answer, “I need to tell you something.” He seemed so uptight and worried about my reaction.
“Oh, no,” I began, “You aren’t pregnant ... are you?” I wanted to make a joke and giggled quietly.
He smiled, sincerely, and I saw love for his mom in his eyes.
“I want to move,” he informed.
I shrugged, not knowing what he meant. Now I was quiet.
Jacob took a long breath and said, “I want to move to California.” That was all he said.
“California,” I echoed.  I think I might have swooned with this thought.
“California ... Los Angeles,” he offered.
“Why there?” I had to ask.
“I want to be an actor,” he replied calmly.


Okay ... I was the kind of parent that encouraged, rather than discouraged! But, why did he want to make this move, now ... to there!! I had just moved to be near him ... I was confused! Did this move have anything to do with me ... or, whatever. What could I do, but to just play along ... whether I liked it or not.


“You can’t be an actor in New York ... shoot for Broadway??” I asked. I knew that there were so many types of theaters that he could get involved with ... community or semi-professional (make a little money), before he made it to the off-off-off-off-off-off-off Broadway venues, or the big guacamole dish ... “The Great White Way!”


“That’s stage acting. I want to do movies,” he stated. He knew I would be a tough sell, but he had to do what he needed to do.
I nodded my head that I understood, but I had to ask, “Why now? I just moved here to be closer to you! Why do you want to move now ... so far away?”
He took some time to pick his rehearsed words ... to arrange them the way he wanted. His face had the lines of an older fellow ... more than I had ever noticed before.
I waited, as a patient mom should.


“Mom ... don’t be mad at me! I stayed in New York so I could be near to you ... get to you quickly ... like when you had the stroke. Now ... it seems you are better and you’re living more like you want. My location change is something I’ve thought about for a long time ... a long time dream! This wasn’t a snap decision,” Jacob said softly defiant.


Was it something I said or did ... or both? I wanted to ask, but I didn’t. I couldn’t help but wonder if I had pushed him away ... three thousand miles away!!!


Jacob talked about his desire to be a movie actor, and he acknowledged that he knew it would be an uphill struggle to “make it.” He knew there would be hundreds, if not thousands, of others who he’d compete with ... even for commercials! Jacob decided that Hollywood would be the place to get started. Stage careers were Broadway ... screen careers were Hollywood!


Even I could not argue against that analogy!


I mean, I couldn’t fault him ... I moved to Ohio from Texas, when I was younger than him ... and never moved back. No matter, a person needs to follow their dreams. This was a challenge for him to round out his heart! So, I encouraged him with his adventure!


After seven years, he’s still out in Los Angeles, California ... working at night as a bartender, which frees him up during the day for auditions, or any other related endeavors. He has been able to hook “extra” work, while he attends classes that deal with acting or tech subjects. Unfortunately, he hasn’t been able to hook that shining star, but I truly feel it will happen.


I visited him over a year ago, in LA, and Jacob is still following his dream! And, yes ... I am still more than proud of my adventurous son!

"Don't discourage ... always encourage! You could encourage the next Peter O'Toole!"